Why cna't I have love and at the same time?I can't feel ual feelings for girls I love.?

It's like if I am fantasizing ually it is never intimate or loving.And if I am fantasizing about intimacy I can't become . I have only been able to fantasize it like once or twice I remember.Is it lack of real human interaction and never being intimate with a girl? It also seems that with girls It's never right when i feel intimately attracted ,and by her. I can never express the way I feel for her or do what I wnat to do with her( like hold or touch or makeout) when I fell the urge. And than its too late and it's been like this forever. I'm 18.All I do is hope. Hope isn't enough, beliving in god and "faith" isn't real its just psyching myself out because I dont have anything real.I do know that when I am actually touching a girl I fell intimate and . Sometimes evn just touching hands but I can't seem to recreate the feelings when I try to feel them . Like If I am consciously trying to make intimacy, something shuts down, and when it just happens I can't take